one million and counting...

That is about how many time I change my emotion/mood for the day. Everyday. I can be happy one second then miserable. I almost feel....guilty for being happy sometimes... Like, people will think that I am not being myself because I'm happy rather than sad. Or that I don't deserve to be happy when some people do. But then when I'm sad I feel crappy too. And my reasons for being sad are retarded. But then..why do I still cry? How in the hell do I have a right to say that I am sad when practically everything is okay? How in the hell do I have a right to say that I am lonely when I have a whole bunch of people who talk to me and say hi to me and claim they love me? How in the hell do I have a right to say it? When other peoples' lives suck way more than mine and they have zero friends... I guess you could say I'm ungreatful. I guess you could say that I am picky. I guess you could say that I am selfish... I could say that I am. I don't know what I want. I want to be happy, yes but I want to remain who I am. I feel like if I am happy, I can't do that... When I'm happy, I change. But at the same time, I don't want to be sad. Grr, I just don't know. I am so sick of emotions.. They are so irratating at times. I just wish I had...something. Something that I cannot even name because I have yet discovered what it is.. Oh wait.. I remeber..I need Kasha.....