suffication

No breathing. Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm and am bleeding. Do you even care if I die bleeding? Would it be wrong, would it be right, if I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might. Mutalation out of sight and I'm contemplating suicide. Because I am losing my mind, wish somebody would tell me I'm fine. Losing my sight, losing my mind, wish somebody would tell me I'm fine. Nothings alright. Nothing is fine. I never realized I was spread too thin Till it was too late And I was empty within Hungry Feeding on chaos And living in sin Downward spiral where do I begin It all started when I lost my mother No love for myself And no love for another Searching to find a love up on a higher level Finding nothing but questions and devils I'm running and I'm crying I can't go on living this way...
I hope you all know that that was a song. I'm not really cutting or contemplating suicide! I am just stressed, overwhelmed and frusterated beyond reason... And, it's all my fault... I've missed so much school, I'm in danger of freaking failing the 8th grade. I have a F in a few classes and I have loads of makeup work. I don't understand almost all of math. Teachers are getting on my case. Now the counselor. Now my mom. My mom is telling me that if I don't get my grades up she's going to take away my phone and computer and I can't hang out with any of my friends. Part of me is like, okay, that's fine. I deserve it. Then the other part of me is like, WTF?! Because many times that I stayed home, she let me. That is like, giving kids a whole bunch of candy then getting mad at them because they have a cavity. Yes, they could of brushed their teeth. They could of prevented it. But you let them eat it. Okay, weird analogy... I am just so frusterated. This kid in one of my classes WOULD NOT leave me alone today. He kept tapping on my desk, drawing on my paper, taking my stuff. I have stabbed him with my pencil, I have punched him, I have yelled at him, I have hurt him, yet.. HE STILL FRIKEN DOES IT!!! *loosing my marbles.!*
Then on my way into the Leadership room today, my counselor sees me. She was talking to a group of students so she said, "Mersadie, I need to talk to you." I'm like.. wtf? Then I get to the leadership room and mention it to my teacher. She says, "That's my fault. I emailed her about you." She failed to tell me what she emailed her about... Then the counselor talks to me, asks why I haven't been at school (I give my excuse.. back hurts..<-fib), tells me how important it is that I go, asks why I didn't get my pre-resitration stuff for HS. So, I text my mom to tell her that she needs to call and get the forms for HS and stuff. She does. Then she tells me that her and the counselor talked for like, 20 minutes about me, what my problem was with school, how I don't hate people, I just am overly annoyed (which is true) and an alternitave for high school. SO! It will all be worked out eventually. I just CANNOT get held back. I will be VERY pissed off.
I am worried about that.. but hey, life goes on.